There's a story floating around that places Jay-Z, Kanye West, No I.D., Timbaland, and Don Cannon* in the studio. The year is 2009 and they are debating arguing how Jay should unroll the Blueprint 3 machine. Timbaland, typically [post 2007], is in favor of the Jigga man putting out a poppy, radio-friendly Z-100, tween suburban-girl ready song to hook the masses. One can only imagine Kanye, the living embodiment of one of Hov's most reliable creative inspirations, calling this the dumbest fucking idea possible. During it all No I.D. is in the corner, silently and humbly working on a beat, which Ye instructs him to play. It is hard hitting and sounds decidedly nothing like what the radio currently has to offer. Kanye outlines that a song over this beat should be against everything that's wack in hip-hop right now. And we all know how the story finishes: Jay takes the beat home, comes in the next day with what is now known as "D.O.A. (Death of Auto-tune)," shocking even Kanye with his denouncements. "That's too far nigga!"**
*Random I know, but come to think of it Hov on a Don Cannon beat could be gold. See: "Go Crazy"*
**Kanye's response to the second verse line "you niggas' jeans too tight/your colors too bright, your voice too light" over the intercom while Jay was laying the verse was hilariously kept in as an ad-lib.**
Later, during the suspicious flurry of Timbaland-only BP3 leaks, one song that got a lot of [negative] attention was the leftover "Ghetto Techno." The track was panned on the internet by Hov haters and Stans alike, as pop-pandering bullshit and an example of why the game needed to put Timbaland on sabbatical, including yours truly Mr. Rex. I recount the story above to say this: "Ghetto Techno" was without a doubt the song Timbaland was pushing Jay to use as his first single. And you know what? It's actually not as demonic as you thought it was on first listen. When I first heard "Techno" I despised it. These days the song has taken up permanent residence in my sprawling Recently Played playlist.
Don't get me wrong, I don't wish the song was the first single--I'm not even sure I ever want to see it grace an official tracklist. The first single from a returning artist (Hov was 18 months removed from his last album around the time) should be reassuring, not a complete departure from one's signature sound. The legion of Hov haters and Illuminati conspiracy theorists would've pounced on it mercilessly and the hype for BP3 would have been nil. But as a simple, insignificant throwaway? The track is fun as hell. You can't tell me that you wouldn't sing along without a care if it were Pitbull cleverly instructing you to "survive more shots than Pac had" on the hook instead of Jigga. The beat bangs. And my God is the patented Jay-Z wordplay intact. "...in the club getting bucket after bucket like Kobe," but the real highlight is @S_C_'s genius Twitter flip:
Honey's white but she dance black had to ask the lil broad how she dance like that But me? I'm doing me just goin hard got a table full-a Ace like a deck of cards fiends roll the green up we got 1 Oak lookin like a lil Wilhelmina but I ain't doing nothing that can get back cuz I know half the club wanna twitter that Tweet tweet--I smell a bird--and a rat
"Ghetto Techno" isn't what we want to hear from Jay-Z. But it's quite far from his worst song. See for yourself:
Your man DMX is a free man (for now) and he of erratic exclamations and random dog barks is ready to entertain again. Fresh out of the pen for a couple months now, Earl has been keeping busy the past few weeks as we head into the final quarter of the year. Whether catching up on the zeitgeist, braving social media, or releasing new music, the Dark Man X has been, to say the least, quite hilarious these past few days:
DMX learns about Lil B
Saving the best for first. On some real shit I must have watched this near ten times already, and each time has resulted in tears. I won't spoil for you, just sit back and enjoy. Needless to say, Earl is not based, but need I remind you this is the same man who said "suck my dick/and all you niggas that been to jail before know, it's about to get thick."
DMX joins Twitter
We could put this up for debate, but it'd be pointless: DMX has delivered the best (celebrity, rapper, what have you) Twitter name ever with the ingenious handle "DizarkMizanIzex." Don't waste one more second not following dude. He is either going to never use it OR take aim for the most hilarious tweets in the rap game. Pray for the latter.
The Last Hope
If this is "The Last Hope" then be afraid. Jacking Drake beats from '07 is what's hot in the streets these days X? Is the gospel album still on tap? Really though, after all the known drug usage the barks and yells aren't so cool anymore. Between this and the Based God video dude looks like he's either back on the bad stuff or fiending HARD. Someone pry Swizz Beatz away from Alicia and lock him and X in the studio together. He's the only real hope DMX has of ever reclaiming his glory days. The real question is...can X's bark come back and steal the thunder from Ross's grunt? Discuss.
There are a handful of new shows worth checking out this coming season, but fall TV is all about returning favorites. The one I'm checking for the most, without a doubt? The season four premiere of Sons of Anarchy. If you're not up on this show now is the time to get familiar with seasons 1-3 on DVD, trust, you'll get through them quickly. The show in one sentence: Hamlet on Harley's, with a lot of introspection and heart amidst tons of bullets and disturbing violence that you can't tear your eyes away from no matter how much you'd like to. For those who've been waiting impatiently along with me since season three bowed last November, you'll remember Anarchy ended (minor spoilers) with the Sons getting ready for a skid bid after settling some family business. When we return, 14 months will have passed and Charming has changed into a town with little patience for the gang's usual ways of running things. A new, no-nonsense sheriff, Clay's determination to go out with as much money as possible, and old family secrets coming to light are sure to make for an explosive season. Can't wait.
Sons of Anarchy's fourth season premieres with a special 90 minute episode, Tuesday Sept. 6.
There's a story floating around that places Jay-Z, Kanye West, No I.D., Timbaland, and Don Cannon* in the studio. The year is 2009 and they are 
