There's a story floating around that places Jay-Z, Kanye West, No I.D., Timbaland, and Don Cannon* in the studio. The year is 2009 and they are debating arguing how Jay should unroll the Blueprint 3 machine. Timbaland, typically [post 2007], is in favor of the Jigga man putting out a poppy, radio-friendly Z-100, tween suburban-girl ready song to hook the masses. One can only imagine Kanye, the living embodiment of one of Hov's most reliable creative inspirations, calling this the dumbest fucking idea possible. During it all No I.D. is in the corner, silently and humbly working on a beat, which Ye instructs him to play. It is hard hitting and sounds decidedly nothing like what the radio currently has to offer. Kanye outlines that a song over this beat should be against everything that's wack in hip-hop right now. And we all know how the story finishes: Jay takes the beat home, comes in the next day with what is now known as "D.O.A. (Death of Auto-tune)," shocking even Kanye with his denouncements. "That's too far nigga!"**
*Random I know, but come to think of it Hov on a Don Cannon beat could be gold. See: "Go Crazy"*
**Kanye's response to the second verse line "you niggas' jeans too tight/your colors too bright, your voice too light" over the intercom while Jay was laying the verse was hilariously kept in as an ad-lib.**
Later, during the suspicious flurry of Timbaland-only BP3 leaks, one song that got a lot of [negative] attention was the leftover "Ghetto Techno." The track was panned on the internet by Hov haters and Stans alike, as pop-pandering bullshit and an example of why the game needed to put Timbaland on sabbatical, including yours truly Mr. Rex. I recount the story above to say this: "Ghetto Techno" was without a doubt the song Timbaland was pushing Jay to use as his first single. And you know what? It's actually not as demonic as you thought it was on first listen. When I first heard "Techno" I despised it. These days the song has taken up permanent residence in my sprawling Recently Played playlist.
Don't get me wrong, I don't wish the song was the first single--I'm not even sure I ever want to see it grace an official tracklist. The first single from a returning artist (Hov was 18 months removed from his last album around the time) should be reassuring, not a complete departure from one's signature sound. The legion of Hov haters and Illuminati conspiracy theorists would've pounced on it mercilessly and the hype for BP3 would have been nil. But as a simple, insignificant throwaway? The track is fun as hell. You can't tell me that you wouldn't sing along without a care if it were Pitbull cleverly instructing you to "survive more shots than Pac had" on the hook instead of Jigga. The beat bangs. And my God is the patented Jay-Z wordplay intact. "...in the club getting bucket after bucket like Kobe," but the real highlight is @S_C_'s genius Twitter flip:
Honey's white but she dance black had to ask the lil broad how she dance like that But me? I'm doing me just goin hard got a table full-a Ace like a deck of cards fiends roll the green up we got 1 Oak lookin like a lil Wilhelmina but I ain't doing nothing that can get back cuz I know half the club wanna twitter that Tweet tweet--I smell a bird--and a rat
"Ghetto Techno" isn't what we want to hear from Jay-Z. But it's quite far from his worst song. See for yourself:
Your man DMX is a free man (for now) and he of erratic exclamations and random dog barks is ready to entertain again. Fresh out of the pen for a couple months now, Earl has been keeping busy the past few weeks as we head into the final quarter of the year. Whether catching up on the zeitgeist, braving social media, or releasing new music, the Dark Man X has been, to say the least, quite hilarious these past few days:
DMX learns about Lil B
Saving the best for first. On some real shit I must have watched this near ten times already, and each time has resulted in tears. I won't spoil for you, just sit back and enjoy. Needless to say, Earl is not based, but need I remind you this is the same man who said "suck my dick/and all you niggas that been to jail before know, it's about to get thick."
DMX joins Twitter
We could put this up for debate, but it'd be pointless: DMX has delivered the best (celebrity, rapper, what have you) Twitter name ever with the ingenious handle "DizarkMizanIzex." Don't waste one more second not following dude. He is either going to never use it OR take aim for the most hilarious tweets in the rap game. Pray for the latter.
The Last Hope
If this is "The Last Hope" then be afraid. Jacking Drake beats from '07 is what's hot in the streets these days X? Is the gospel album still on tap? Really though, after all the known drug usage the barks and yells aren't so cool anymore. Between this and the Based God video dude looks like he's either back on the bad stuff or fiending HARD. Someone pry Swizz Beatz away from Alicia and lock him and X in the studio together. He's the only real hope DMX has of ever reclaiming his glory days. The real question is...can X's bark come back and steal the thunder from Ross's grunt? Discuss.
Did you know The Game's fourth LP, The R.E.D. Album is coming out this Tuesday? Do you care? Those answers are most likely no and NO and since he knows this, Game has taken to his time-honored tradition of cooking up as much false beef as he can to make himself relevant again. Not only does that involve his annual "I-Hate-Jay-Z-Even-Though-I-Said-I Loved-Him-Last-Week-Campaign" (#fucktakingbipolarmeds, yea!) but this year he also chose to send some shots towards Hip-Hop 2011's lovable court jesters Kreayshawn (warning her against using 'nigga') and Lil B, whom he crowned 'Wackest Rapper Alive' after hearing him for the first time on Wayne's "Grove St. Party" freestyle (Clearly Game doesn't read Connoisseuraus Rex). Jay may be too big to respond but the Bay area spitters are not, and they fired back hilariously:
Kreayshawn later deleted this subliminal but by then everybody had seen it:
Meanwhile the Based God had a few quick words for Game while leaving a performance:
I'm gonna break my usual attempts at prose and go full-on 1st person: this used to be my shit! If you live in the tri-state area and are a real hip-hop fan - ie an alumnus, not finishing up your 4-years or worse, just beginning - then you were a fan before the internet got big and are thus properly acquainted with the great staple in rap radio that is Hot 97.1 And one of the objects of my 11 year-old affection was 97 personality Angie Martinez, who back in 2000 randomly decided to release a rap album and called in her whole rolodex of industry connects to help out. My favorite song, of course: the bi-lingual hood rom-com back-and-forth dialog between her and Young Hov. Nothing short of classic. It was on the radio way before the album dropped, and again this was before downloading and iTunes. Talk about agony. Fortune favors the patient though. Ended up getting a signed album and other shit through Dad's connects. Enjoy:
"Love having my cake plus eating it too/Shit, I got cake, what the fuck I'm 'sposed to do?"
Talk about better late than never. Peep the much delayed but still welcome video for the 4th single from Slim's triple platinum 6th album Recovery, starring porn queen Sasha Grey, below:
Cool concept, great visuals. This was always one of my favorite songs on the album, delayed or not this should help push the Recovery sales to even bigger heights, by 2011 standards at least (to date it's scanned 3.9 million copies and maintained a spot in the Billboard Top 100 for a full year). On an unrelated note, Hollywood's loving Sasha these days, huh?
Unsigned rappers take note: the Based God is stylin' on you. That's right, that Wonton Soup nigga you laughed off last year is now laughing slowly but surely to the bank - and to fame infamy. Here are the top three reasons why Lil Brandon isn't going away any time soon:
He's Keeping His Name in Your Mouth
Did you hear about Lil B's album title?! Of course you did. Titling your album something as incendiary and divisive as I'm Gay is about as attention whore as you can get. It's a bold move, and while he's lost some fans as a result, he also may have even more eyes watching him now. (More on that later.) Plus, he's staying on his current events grind:
He's Gaining Big Supporters
Sometimes rap is like politics: you're only as legit as the people backing you. Some way, some how, the Black Ken's co-signs are growing at the same pace of his buzz. First there was a song with non-mainstream but still highly respected rappers Phonte and Jean Grae. Then GLAAD came through to support the album title (of course they did). Since then Brandon's got a dizzying, mystifying list of collabs and co-signs in the pipeline:
- beats from Just Blaze and 9th Wonder
- a collaborative EP with Jay Electronica (Watch the Throne indeed)
- a feature on the upcoming Weezy mixtape
- performing at festivals like Bamboozle, Coachella and SXSW
- cameos for and from Puffy
- a touring deal with Live Nation
Meanwhile, disses from the likes of Rhymefest and Freddie Gibbs just get brushed off. When CyHi Da Prynce jokes about the G.O.O.D. team cooking during studio downtime and Justin Bieber randomly yells "Swag!" on the Grammy's red carpet, you know you're doing something right.
He Continues to Prove That He's Actually, y'know, Intelligent
Allow me to take credit for calling early on that Young Based, despite songs like this, is actually smart as hell. Knowing full well that this is his moment, Brandon is displaying more and more intelligence with each interview. Dude got on CNN Radio for Christ's sake! Peep that interview plus his guest spot on Rapfix for his suprisingly intellectual take on his album title, what it means, and why he's doing it.
The simplicity behind a lot of The Bawse's hooks on Self Made (the compilation album released to showcase the starting five of Maybach Music Group) has for some reason given people short-term memory loss, instilling doubt in the former C.O.'s lyrical ability. "Devil in a New Dress" was only seven months ago people. As a reminder of why Ricky Rozay is one of the hottest rappers out today, here's a song that went under the radar a few months ago. Released as a part of Swizz Beatz's weekly, now defunct #MonsterMondaysfake ass G.O.O.D. Friday free music initiative, this is "The Transporter," complete with a random but still awesome Biggie intro, no hook, and more dialog from foreign, hot sounding chicks:
Did Swizz Beatz really produce this? It doesn't sound like a typical Swizzy beat (which is the highest compliment).
The past two years have seen the reemergence of crews in hip-hop, with each of today's rap titans carving out their own lane to dominate and co-exist at the same time. Rick Ross and the Maybach Music Group currently own the rights to bass shattering street music, Kanye and G.O.O.D. Music are taking over the game with their quality but non-gangster style (I guess Pusha T is their Beanie Sigel), Roc Nation is...random but seems to be working. And then we have Young Money, who, along with boasting about how they're the new shit, are slowly establishing themselves with naughty, overt, mainstream hits all about well...fucking. Just look at the chorus to both their hit singles. So far it's working, but with Drake and Nicki's careers up in the stratosphere it's not likely we'll see another YMCMB group album anytime soon. Still if they want to try and keep it up, they might as well stick to the formula. Which brings us to this pre-Drake era unfinished song below. It's deliciously crude and raunchy and radio be damned, if they re-do this, mix & master it, and add an "In the Morning" type 16 from Drizzy this will join the ranks of "Every Girl" and "Bedrock." C'mon, any song where Gudda Gudda of all people has the best verse has got to be a keeper.
"Thinking to Myself" Lil Wayne, Gudda Gudda, Mack Maine & Nicki Minaj
Peep the pre-crazy voices Nicki (also before she started censoring herself for her younger audiences).
Remember when XXL Magazine infamously snubbed Drake for their famously debated "Freshmen" list, their annual mainstream coming-out party for ten promising spitters? Well the 2011 list has passed and while they gave Based God some shine, they lamed again with this one. Meet Donald Glover, aka the Childish Gambino, and the last person you'd ever expect to have bars for days. Donald is self-admittedly nerdy, devoid of street cred and any major hip-hop co-signs (for now at least) and very emotive. He also, as aforementioned, has bars for days. The kid nobody, including himself, thought the public would take seriously as an MC is now among the most refreshing up-and-comers out there. "Hovi with glasses, Weezy but geeky." Without further ado, here are the five essential Childish Gambino songs.
*Gambino Facts - Yup, that's the same Donald Glover that plays Troy on your beloved Community. In addition to rapping, Donald is also a rising comedic talent.*
My Shine "Don't add an 'eezy'to my name cuz it has never been that."The best track in the as-of-right-now Childish Gambino discography, and one of the best tracks to drop so far in hip-hop 2011. The Childish one wants you to know he's gunning for the top, and if he goes against everything you normally picture for a rapper, he might agree with you, but he still ain't stopping. And for those who think he's one of those rapper-turned-actors he was "rapping back when Lance had chemo, ho."
**Gambino Facts - Contradictory to that line above, he sometimes refers to himself as "Cheezy." I'll stick with stomaching the name Childish Gambino for now.**
The Last "People tell me I should spit under Donald Glover/but I try to keep my real name undercover/cuz if you hear my name, then you think it's jokes/and I can't go for that nigga, Hall & Oates"Donald gets introspective and reflective on this track, which is 2 parts "Last Call" 1 part "The Calm," as he tells us who he is and what he's about. Lots of telling lines that put you into his mindset more so than any of his other songs, and definitely a crucial piece in the Gambino playlist.
***Gambino Facts - Donald's a triple threat. In addition to rapper and comedian he's a writer as well, having been a member of the 30 Rock writer's team for a time. He's credited Tina Fey with inspiring him to pick up rapping again.***
Freaks and Geeks Song-making ability is clutch, but every new rapper needs to prove they can actually flow. Gambino gets on his "A Milli" steez, no hook just straight spit over a colossal beat backed by violins and epic chants. The titular metaphor is a bit of a stretch but the rest of the bars are on point: "My clique make that dinero, so it's time to meet the fuckers," and "Chillin with my N-Words, say it like a white kid/'yes your ass is big as hers' say that to my white bitch."
****Gambino Facts - No he's not related to that other black guy with the last name Glover.****
The Longest Text Message Entertainment Weekly recently mis-branded this as a naughty, for the ladies joint. It's really more like a glorified middle finger to the typical bad-bitch-who-knows-she's-a-bad-bitch that hopeless romantics Eminem and Joe Budden would approve of (they probably would've name-dropped though). Gambino comes off as falsely nonchalant but regardless of how he really felt about shorty he's sure got some words for her ("You ain'tthatfine bitch, what the fuck ya heard?"). And while Donald may feel like he's not in the same class of "cool" as the popular rappers today, he sure can shit-talk with the best of them with slick one-liners like "Fucking bitches left and right, my dick is ambidextrous." Much more so than his overt radio attempts like "Lights Turned On" and "Put It In My Video" he definitely could have a hit on his hands with this once its mixed and mastered.
*****Gambino Facts - Last year he launched a twitter campaign #donald4spiderman for the title role of the upcoming reboot. It caught fire, eventually gaining the support of Stan Lee and favored Spidey scribe Brian Michael Bendis. Obviously the role went to Andrew Garfield (The Social Network) but Donald was not even given an audition. #Racists.*****
So Fly
Childish Gambino himself is not an experimental rapper, just a dude you wouldn't quite picture as one. But this is definitely one of his more experimental songs. I'm not sure if that's him singing on all his other hooks, but it's definitely Donald on this one, stepping up to sing a spoken word-ish ode to a girl that could've been the one for him. Could've. She later gets a jab on "Be Alone." Either way, it works, a lot better than expected.
******Gambino Facts - He graduated the Dramatic Writing program at NYU in 2006.******
Thoughts? Remember, these are just five songs hand-picked to display all the best sides of Gambino musically. There's a handful more that are equally cold, go and download his mixtapes Culdesac and EP here: http://www.culdesac-album.com/ and here: http://www.childishgambino.blogspot.com/
Say what you will about the God MC but you can't deny he's got a laundry list of hits. But for every "Empire State of Mind" and "Big Pimpin" there's an album cut or standout collaboration that may not make the concert setlist but features an equally five star beat laced with some of the illest wordplay courtesy of the self proclaimed "man who writes checks with the hand that don't write." Cut off that Odd Future and scroll down and educate yourself. Ya Philistines.
Lobster & Scrimp (w/Timbaland) The chemistry between these two, both legends in their own right, is a little off these days. (See what I did there?) But late 90's, early aughts, sweet Jesus. Super fan bias non-withstanding how the hell did this fly so low under the radar? Probably because Tim's Bio: Life from da Bassment, Timbaland's little heard debut album that houses this and a few other notable songs flew even lower. Maybe it's the odd way they spell 'shrimp.' Maybe the average listener wouldn't be pressed to give a song called "Lobster and Scrimp" a spin no matter how they spelled it. Which is a shame because this is golden. The beat is a classic fast-tempo Tim banger, and hoo boy does Jay ride it (II). Fuck a quote, I might have to type a few bars to sell this point:
Initials on the headrest It's official, style so sick I need bedrest nigga I got issues I hate fake bitches, 'you gotta wait' bitches 'I don't know you; I don't fuck on the first date bitches' hotshot niggas, talk to the cops niggas 'money that's my girl!' cock-block niggas see-you-in-the-club-and-scheme-on-your-watch niggas talk-a-lotta-shit-with-no-glock niggas
Not to mention the retrospectively hilarious line "She stressin me now, sayin 'no-no-no then yea-yea-yea' like she Destiny's Child. But don't take my word for it. Just click play and see for yourself. *Just listen and avoid the epileptic video*
So Ghetto The Jiggaman's last collabo with the legendary DJ Premier, for reasons unknown. Can be found on the underrated Vol. 3: Life and Times of S. Carter. Hov may be the ambassador of hip-hop now, but he's always had a little thug in him.
I'm from the M-to the A baby, R-C-Y so it's hard for me to let the larceny die niggas see me in the street with no bodyguards just two big guns that'll body ya squad cuz niggas be schemin on me, prolly y'all think Jigga's a joke nigga? 'hardy-har.'
These are just two of many. Go do your homework. Watch the Throne and the 12th album coming soon. Y'all other rappers got a few months to get y'all thing together. Good luck.
Do you know Big Sean? If not you soon will. The Detroit MC has been signed to Kanye's G.O.O.D. Music team since before Kid Cudi (who has already released two LPs) and after cultivating a steadily growing internet buzz and playing his position on group features he's ready to drop his debut, Finally Famous: The Album this spring. The first single, "My Last," just came out on iTunes this week but I'm not going to post that here. Instead this post is dedicated to two songs of his that have already came and went online by way of leakers, but deserve so much more. In these days of rampant hackers, rappers are quick to leave a leaked song in the dust to keep the album fresh, cause after it hits nahright everyone's heard it. But isn't that over-exaggerating things a litte? Here's my appeal for my two favorite tracks of his that are heretofore homeless but shouldn't remain so:
What I Do Like a much better version of Based God (30x better), Big Sean's main concern is letting you know he dresses better than you and fucks badder chicks. Sean the don has no qualms letting you know what he's in this for, given the album title, and a song like this one, about the intoxicating effect of bright lights and hot groupies would be perfect for it. Plus, clocking in at an unfinished 1:23 minutes, the song is cruelly over just when it feels like it got started.
Way Out, ft. Mr. Hudson "What I Do" would be a nice album cut and maybe even get a few radio spins but this right here is a Billboard hit waiting to happen. Not only does this prove Sean's range as he switches up content to tell a tale of heartbreak, but it also showcases how much of a musical threat the G.O.O.D. Music team is with Boss Kanye providing the cinematic beat and Mr. Hudson (of Young Forever fame) contributing yet another epic, scene-stealing hook. Sure this song's made the rounds by now but it's too colossal for that to matter, and there's a whole world beyond rapradar, nahright and the like.
Thoughts? Are you checking for Finally Famous: The Album?
The Dido version is just fine but these days this recording of the live 2001 Grammy performance with Elton John handling hook duty is in constant rotation. Easily one of the best hip-hop songs of all time, the intensity and emotion is maintained, maybe even enhanced live and John's keys add a slightly different but welcome punch-up to the beat. Plus the unexpectedness of these two collaborating makes the whole thing quietly colossal.
Is That Your Chick? - Memphis Bleek & Jay-Z Ft. Missy Elliott & Twista Been awhile since you heard this one hasn't it? This has been popping up in shuffle like it's new recently. Classic rap at its misogynistic best. The Jiggaman, while being one of the coolest people alive, also has something of a mean streak, highlighted the most in this instance. Knowing what we know now--Jay fucked Nas's baby mama (mean streak)--this song is without a speculative, gossip-mongering doubt three verses of thinly veiled I-took-your-girl shots missiles at Nas. Just vicious. And if you think Jay didn't [try to] take care of his Roc fam, here's a prime example of why you're wrong, as he gifts this to Young Memphis the apprentice to use as his own single. It's also a prime example of why I scratch my head during the frequent Bleek trashing here and there. Of course Hova flows on this the nastiest, obviously, but Bleek does damn good too: "Close the door/act like you been in a drop-top on the open road before/fix your weave, then fix me/ever gave head doin 160?" Fuck the haters Memph, I'm checking for your comeback. Just make sure you kick it off with something as flame as this.
Unless you've been living in a cave--or just don't have your ear to the rap blogs--then by now you've probably heard of Hip-Hop's latest internet phenom Lil B the BasedGod. (Some who have would probably rather be in the cave) If you haven't here's a quick refresher: his flow is nonexistent, his raps are inane and usually consist of taking your bitch and having more swag (his favorite word) than you, and he apparently looks like A LOT of people. Oh and people love him. Confession: I kind of do too (Pause). There's just plain stupid and there's hilariously stupid, and if Based God doesn't fall in the latter for you then your sense of humor needs some freshening. While the rest of you rap geeks drool over Odd Future, for whatever reason, I'm sticking with the guy that actuallymade the freshmen class this year. Without further ado here are the four essential BasedGod songs. SWAG!
*Based Facts - Lil B was originally a member of The Pack. You know, the Vans song and such.*
Suck My Dick Hoe My favorite Lil B song and easily his most listenable, as in, you can make it through the whole track with your brain cells intact. (Although its not nearly as fun if just audio.) Young BasedGod came straight for the bitches, so where does he go for this visual but the local mall. (Curiously there's nary a bad chick in it though.) Watch Lil Brandon play with iPads, lurk around Sephora, and post up near the mall car while he tells you why the hoes prefer him over you...cause he looks like Ben and Jerry of course! These are his most fun lyrics I've heard (you will die when you hear some of the celebrity comparisons) and the beat is actually hot as hell. Just don't expect him to actually competently flow over it.
**Based Facts - At Lil B shows fans often show up decked out in aprons and chef hats in recogniton of his cooking dance, and scream things like "Based God can fuck my bitch." (Or worse, their mom.) Last January Based God held a show at the reputable Highline Ballroom in NYC. It was sold out.**
Ellen DeGeneres He's Ellen DeGeneres. Why that's a cool person to be, especially for a dude I have no idea. Don't question it, just sit back for the pure comedy of lines like "Swag swag swag swag brrrrang dang dang yo girlfriend." Also if you thought the Based One wasn't catching on, watch two banging ass girls do the cooking dance in the club.
***Based Facts - Lil B is affiliated with Soulja Boy, [allegedly] even writing his hit song "Pretty Boy Swag."***
Age of Information Lil B actually tries to add some, y'know, content to his songs with this one, talking about the evils of technology. Or something like that. I didn't really make it to the end. Pathetic attempts at substance like this aren't the appeal of based music. But the real story behind this is UC Berkley Professor Geoffrey D. Nunberg actually PLAYED this song for his Media Studies class earlier this year, citing that Lil B brings up several "good and interesting points." Wtf? Now the fact that this lecture just happened to be recorded and its in B.G.'s hometown of Berkley at that kinda screams hoax. But if not...damn Based God, you doin...everything.
T-shirts and Buddens Nevermind the head-scratcher of a title, this song is...not bad. Yea I said it. This is Lil B at his lyrical best, (admittedly that still doesn't amount to much) going at Joe Budden's neck for some reason that I don't care enough to look up. Whatever the beef Young Based was clearly offended and drops hilarious gems over a smooth beat like "Joe BuddenTV...no, Joe BITCH TV." It's worth sitting through the entire song just to hear the kiss-off line, "You just got dissed by a pretty bitch." Proof that if and when Brandon actually tries, he might be a decent rapper after all.
*****Based Facts - If someone says you look like Based God then by transitive property you also look like, Ellen DeGeneres (see above), Miley Cyrus, J.K. Rowling, Bill Clinton, Justin Bieber, Ben&Jerry, Matlock, Darth Vader and...Jesus. Sooooo, compliment?*****
So...thoughts? An imbecile who found a way to market his imbecility? A normal guy acting like a fool just to get attention? Rhodes Scholar conducting a hoax for his dissertation on the stupidity and gullibility of American popular music listeners? (God I hope it's the latter...)
There's a story floating around that places Jay-Z, Kanye West, No I.D., Timbaland, and Don Cannon* in the studio. The year is 2009 and they are 
