Entertainment news and musings from a pop culture geek

Friday, December 31, 2010

The 10 Most Annoying Characters of Contemporary Television

There are characters who exist to be despised and part of the show's appeal would be missing if they weren't there (which is the prime reason you won't find the despicable Betty Draper anywhere near this list) But a lot of the time, man some characters just fucking suck. Complexities, motivations be damned they're annoying as shit. This list is dedicated to the most loathsome, the people who've either made you rethink a show or feel like screaming at the screen at a person who is, most of the time at least, fictional. Enjoy, and welcome to the Connoisseuraus.

 #10: The Cast of Grey's Anatomy, Grey's Anatomy 

I don't watch this show. But pretty much everyone here just seems like they'd annoy me. So I stay away for good measure.

#9: Angelina, Jersey Shore

She's just so dumb. And irritating. Props to them for putting up with her as long as they did, don't think I coulda lasted.

#8: The Cast of Lost, LOST

Hmmm who to single out? I could go with Shannon for being so useless. Boone for being so, well...useless. (Siblings for a reason I guess) Kate for her eternal ability to be kidnapped and otherwise always fuck up the best laid plans.  Charlie takes asshole honor for pretty much all of season 2. No, truth is as great as this series is, ALL of the cast held the douche bag torch at one point or another, mostly to make a plot arc work or keep us from learning something that We're Not Ready to Know Yet. Oh well, they made us care again by the end at least.

#7: Karen van der Beek, Californication

Hank's baby mama, for the uninitiated. Now it's not so much Karen being a loathsome character as her being the unlucky tool by which the writers keep her and Hank apart. The show's about watching David Duchnovy bag dimes on the promenade and wallow in self-pity not live a happily monogamous life with wife and child. I get that. Now having said that, Karen's a flighty bitch. From the flashbacks that show why she and Hank start the series apart all the way to the last produced episode of the show Karen is impatient, judgmental, and...did I already say flighty? She's supposed to be one of the few people that gets Hank yet whenever he wilds out she's all shocked and appalled. Act like you know in season 4 ya trick.

#6. Kim Bauer, 24

The bane of 24's existence. The wet dream of 24's writing staff. "Guys we need to keep this arc's wheel's spinning for at least another two episodes...how?" That's probably the conversation that led to the much maligned cougar. But really, I'm being nice placing her at 6, if this were an overall stupidity list, she'd be much higher. Just follow her thought process: "that guy is so dreamy, who cares if he kidnapped me earlier today? He felt really bad about it didn't he? I should totally go to his house since he let me go, right?"...actual story arc. A long hiatus from the show made her encore Day 7 appearance and epilogue in Day 8 that much more surprising and rewarding when she exhibited actual common sense and a cool head in the face of danger. But the first couple years, Jesus. Just watch this. Sadly only the audio is a joke, the images all really happened.

#5. Xander Harris, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

In almost all of his tv shows, which all feature ensemble casts, Joss Whedon likes to single out one member to be a caricature of himself. This person is usually male, goofy, nerdy, a little awkward and a wise-ass. And for the most part, actually amusing. That is except Mr. Harris. When I was 12 he didn't bother me much. But any episode I rewatch these days he comes across as unfunny, off-putting and an overall tool. Here's hoping the parallels between him and the real Joss aren't too strong.

#4. Mara Vendrell, The Shield

Hate her. Hate her hate her hate her hate her HATE HER. Without a doubt one of the most loathsome women of contemporary TV. You can't have a heart and not feel some sympathy towards her by series end but for every appearance before then she helped the Connoisseuraus perfect the art of air-strangulation everytime she *ahem, graced the screen.

#3. The Cast of True Blood, True Blood

I have a lot of venom for this show. Expect a post devoted just to it soon. But every show goes through rough patches. And if you stick around, then it's attachment to the characters that gets you through it. Me,  I have no attachment to any of these people. In fact they all bug the fuck out of me, with exception of course, to Eric and Pam, one of the most awesome duos of 2010 television. (Just watch the last scene they share together in the most recent season and tell me they're not badasses.) Give me a show about just them any day. And maybe throw in Lafayette when he's not up to some overtly gay shit. But the rest of these clowns...Sookie and Bill - over them. Jason's stupidity stopped being funny a whole season ago. Jessica's cool but she was barely around. And Sam and Tara are the most unsympathetically depressing, woe-is-me douche bags of all time. I've stopped finding this show entertaining. Maybe if any of these people gave me reasons to stay I would. But they don't. I'll quench my supernatural melodrama thirst over at the CW with the far superior Vampire Diaries and Supernatural, thanks.

#2. Corinne Mackey, The Shield

Yup, two baby mothers from the same show on one list. The Shield sure knows how to write 'em. Vic's better half is not much better than him, and he's a cheating, stealing dirty cop. If it's Ride or Die Corinne would probably rather die and that's where she differs from Mara. From the season 1 finale through the series Corinne is simply wild for the night, devoid of less and less trust and loyalty toward a husband that from my view at least, was simply just a bit too um, opportunistic.  And I can't think about all the things she fucked up, all the horrible things her actions dominoed into motion without just getting fucking angry.


Jesus Christ. You have never seen more cardboard acting and characters, story arcs and interactions than the crack team surrounding the great Michael C. Hall. It's like they only exist because Hall can only work but so many hours in a day. I bet me and Crazy Mike the homeless guy that paints tanks on cardboard outside of Duane Reade could cook up better stuff than this. These people are the sole contributions to the anomaly that plagues Dexter, a series that can effortlessly be at the same time soooo good and oh so bad. Honestly any time they're involved in something NOT involving Dexter is a safe time to get up, get some snacks, go to the bathroom etc. Who says Showtime doesn't have commercials.

Thoughts? Too harsh on some people, too easy on others? Who makes your list? And if numbers 2 and 4 mean nothing to you then be ashamed for not being up on one of the greatest shows of all time. [End rant]

1 comment:

  1. I'd totally bone Angelina right here right now raw dog more than 3 strokes word to kanye west.


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