For the first May in years there is no two-hour night of supremely mind-bending twists and expertly delivered action that ends with me yelling at the screen because the thought of waiting months for more is too much to bear. LOST has ended. In honor of one of the Top 10 Best Shows of All Time, (and the one year anniversary of the series finale) which had some of the most game-changing, water-cooler, forum fueling finales of all time, here are the LOST finales rated from "that's all?" weakest to "holy jacob!" best. *Spoilers follow, obviously*
6. "There's No Place Like Home," S4 - This show has had its missteps. It never stumbled when it was finale time though. But after the previous year's finale (more on that later) this one had a lot to live up to. The whole flash-forward thing was awesome, but when we caught up with the present, the stakes were slightly lowered by knowing who would make it. But of course the mystery and suspense lies in why it was those six right? Nope. The grand reason it was only the Oceanic 6 was because of plot mechanics? Too much weight on the helicopter. Really?? Then the island moved, which simultaneously earned an 'oh cool' and a deadpan 'ok.' Still this finale had a lot to enjoy and get excited about. Sayid gave Keamy the business! Holy Jacob!: The coffin reveal, obviously, the main redeemer of this episode. Thought for sure it was gonna be Desmond. That's All?: Just a wheel moves the island? Ehhh. Don't get me started on that gotdamn helicopter plot device either. Also, "The Constant" got me hype for a way more "Titanic"-esque Desmond-Penny reunion than we got. Best Use of that Incredibly Emotional Score: The Oceanic 6's arrival. Heartwarming stuff.
5. "Live Together, Die Alone," S2 - This was one of the strongest season-enders out during the '05-'06 TV season but when compared in-show, this exciting, intensely suspenseful episode is only the fifth best conclusion that LOST has to offer. Still, it's quite good, featuring the return of Desmond (back when he wasn't a ubiquitous regular), the exposure of Michael's rat-bastardness (be honest though, if you had to shoot two people you've only known for two months to get your son back from some Devils Rejects' dressing people, you would t00), and my personal favorite, the Hurley-bird. Oh and something popped off involving a hatch too. Holy Jacob!: Did I mention the hatch shit?!?! "I was wrong" is now an infamous series quote. Plus, one of the final shots was our three main heroes getting bags over their heads and kidnapped. Also the first appearance of the four toed statue that would drive fans crazy for another three years. That's All?: Libby-Desmond seemed like a supreme stretch of the 6 degrees of separation conceit used in a lot of the flashbacks. Especially since they never found the time to get to her backstory. Fans groaned, but it really must not have been that important, am I right? And retrospectively speaking, why the fuck were those Portugese dudes in the Arctic in the final scene?
4. "The Incident," S5 - Comparing these grade A finales against each other (but let's be honest, s4 is more like a B+) was tough, and the toughest was easily deciding where to place this. Because what an episode, from instant classic opening scene to what-the-fuck climax. Leave it to LOST to be the show that fades to white instead of black for one of it's most maddening cliffhangers, maddening because there's a shitload of days between May and February. The Locke twist remains a top 10 coolest moment on the series for me. Yea I said it, top 10. Jacob's "visit" scenes were fantastic. And the reveal contextualization that this whole series was about ordinary, very flawed and small human beings caught in the middle of a very huge age old war between gods was fucking awesome. And if you think that should've been revealed earlier, allow me to disagree with you. Holy Jacob!: Holy Man in Black!
That's All?: Juliet is suddenly cool with Jack setting off a HYDROGEN BOMB because Sawyer's still simping over Kate??? Come the fuck on! Miles and Dr. Pierre Marvin Mark Edgar Candle Wickmund Halliwax Chang's reunion was a little undercooked. Best Use of that Incredibly Intense Score: There's no way your adrenaline isn't pumping during that final scene at the Swan.
3. "The End," S6 - A fitting end to the season, and consequently the series. The Desmond plot device got a little hokey. Maybe you were disappointed with the final scene. Or even the whole episode. I'm amongst the team that most definitely was not. All those character reunions are the stuff series finales are made of, and if the final shot didn't move you then maybe you weren't as into this series as you thought. Bandwagoner. Holy Jacob!: I was wayyyyy off with my Sideways world guesses. I still have conversations with people who don't really get the whole absence of time thing though. That's All?: I'm down with Sideways, but the sunken island in "LA X" was still extremely misleading. And really, what the fuck was the Man in Black gonna do with himself once he got to the real world? Appear as Barack Obama? Justin Bieber?? Last but not least, Sayid + Shannon still = GROAN a full four seasons later. Best Use of that Incredibly Emotional Score: The end, obviously.
2. "Exodus," S1 - The deftly executed one-two punch in which we peer down the hatch and Walt is kidnapped. That, folks, is how you wrap up a season and ensure that 20 million people will come back in three months for more. RIP Dr. Artz. Holy Jacob!: "We're gonna need to take the boy."
That's All?: That's all nothing. Retrospectively, the first scene of the season 2 premiere more than makes up for the decision to cut before we saw anything hatch-wise. Best Use of that Incredibly Emotional Score: I think the raft cast-off set the tone for what this show's score was made of. Word to Michael Giacchino.
1. "Through the Looking Glass," S3 - Here it is. The best finale of LOST and one of the best season finales of all time. Season three is when the doubters started piling on: the flashbacks were getting extraneous, the endless twists empty, and the story directionless. So the writers responded with a near flawless second half of the season, culminating in two hours of sheer perfection. And no it's not just because of the final twist, the episode was engaging from beginning to end, on a plot level, but more importantly, character too. Who ever thought we'd end up caring about Charlie again?
Holy Jacob!: I think this goes without saying. But in case it doesn't: WE HAVE TO GO BACK!! That's All?: The next season runs with no repeats, that's awesome. Wait...it starts when? January?!? Best Use of that Incredibly Emotional Score: NOT PENNY'S BOAT.
Thoughts? What's your favorite season finale of LOST? Would you have rated them differently?
Remember when XXL Magazine infamously snubbed Drake for their famously debated "Freshmen" list, their annual mainstream coming-out party for ten promising spitters? Well the 2011 list has passed and while they gave Based God some shine, they lamed again with this one. Meet Donald Glover, aka the Childish Gambino, and the last person you'd ever expect to have bars for days. Donald is self-admittedly nerdy, devoid of street cred and any major hip-hop co-signs (for now at least) and very emotive. He also, as aforementioned, has bars for days. The kid nobody, including himself, thought the public would take seriously as an MC is now among the most refreshing up-and-comers out there. "Hovi with glasses, Weezy but geeky." Without further ado, here are the five essential Childish Gambino songs.
*Gambino Facts - Yup, that's the same Donald Glover that plays Troy on your beloved Community. In addition to rapping, Donald is also a rising comedic talent.*
My Shine "Don't add an 'eezy'to my name cuz it has never been that."The best track in the as-of-right-now Childish Gambino discography, and one of the best tracks to drop so far in hip-hop 2011. The Childish one wants you to know he's gunning for the top, and if he goes against everything you normally picture for a rapper, he might agree with you, but he still ain't stopping. And for those who think he's one of those rapper-turned-actors he was "rapping back when Lance had chemo, ho."
**Gambino Facts - Contradictory to that line above, he sometimes refers to himself as "Cheezy." I'll stick with stomaching the name Childish Gambino for now.**
The Last "People tell me I should spit under Donald Glover/but I try to keep my real name undercover/cuz if you hear my name, then you think it's jokes/and I can't go for that nigga, Hall & Oates"Donald gets introspective and reflective on this track, which is 2 parts "Last Call" 1 part "The Calm," as he tells us who he is and what he's about. Lots of telling lines that put you into his mindset more so than any of his other songs, and definitely a crucial piece in the Gambino playlist.
***Gambino Facts - Donald's a triple threat. In addition to rapper and comedian he's a writer as well, having been a member of the 30 Rock writer's team for a time. He's credited Tina Fey with inspiring him to pick up rapping again.***
Freaks and Geeks Song-making ability is clutch, but every new rapper needs to prove they can actually flow. Gambino gets on his "A Milli" steez, no hook just straight spit over a colossal beat backed by violins and epic chants. The titular metaphor is a bit of a stretch but the rest of the bars are on point: "My clique make that dinero, so it's time to meet the fuckers," and "Chillin with my N-Words, say it like a white kid/'yes your ass is big as hers' say that to my white bitch."
****Gambino Facts - No he's not related to that other black guy with the last name Glover.****
The Longest Text Message Entertainment Weekly recently mis-branded this as a naughty, for the ladies joint. It's really more like a glorified middle finger to the typical bad-bitch-who-knows-she's-a-bad-bitch that hopeless romantics Eminem and Joe Budden would approve of (they probably would've name-dropped though). Gambino comes off as falsely nonchalant but regardless of how he really felt about shorty he's sure got some words for her ("You ain'tthatfine bitch, what the fuck ya heard?"). And while Donald may feel like he's not in the same class of "cool" as the popular rappers today, he sure can shit-talk with the best of them with slick one-liners like "Fucking bitches left and right, my dick is ambidextrous." Much more so than his overt radio attempts like "Lights Turned On" and "Put It In My Video" he definitely could have a hit on his hands with this once its mixed and mastered.
*****Gambino Facts - Last year he launched a twitter campaign #donald4spiderman for the title role of the upcoming reboot. It caught fire, eventually gaining the support of Stan Lee and favored Spidey scribe Brian Michael Bendis. Obviously the role went to Andrew Garfield (The Social Network) but Donald was not even given an audition. #Racists.*****
So Fly
Childish Gambino himself is not an experimental rapper, just a dude you wouldn't quite picture as one. But this is definitely one of his more experimental songs. I'm not sure if that's him singing on all his other hooks, but it's definitely Donald on this one, stepping up to sing a spoken word-ish ode to a girl that could've been the one for him. Could've. She later gets a jab on "Be Alone." Either way, it works, a lot better than expected.
******Gambino Facts - He graduated the Dramatic Writing program at NYU in 2006.******
Thoughts? Remember, these are just five songs hand-picked to display all the best sides of Gambino musically. There's a handful more that are equally cold, go and download his mixtapes Culdesac and EP here: http://www.culdesac-album.com/ and here: http://www.childishgambino.blogspot.com/
Fellow pop culture and TV geeks brace yourself, the best time of the year is upon us: May sweeps, aka finale season. With the emergence of cable network television, these days we're exposed to some of the longest waits ever. It's bad enough more than half of the best TV is on cable, but because of their programing schedules there can be 9 months to even a year between seasons (Mad Men, ughhhhhh) While we patiently await frustratingly suspenseful nail-biters and/or hopefully well-constructed conclusions, here's a look back at some of Connoisseuraus's most notable season cliffhangers, good and bad. Spoilers follow.
Alias - Second Double/The Telling, S2
"Francie doesn't like coffee ice cream."
In simpler times series hiatus was synonymous with summer vacation, May to September. Not so bad right? Wrong, if the finale was as jaw-dropping, game changing, mind-melding as this. I remember May to September of 2003 felt like eons. After two hours of espionage action and intrigue, Alias's second season culminated in a knock-down drag out brawl between Jennifer Garner's now iconic Sydney Bristow and...her roommate. (she had it coming.) Only J.J. Abrams can make coffee ice cream the lynchpin of a suspenseful moment. And just when every window was shattered, every piece of furniture broken and every rib bruised, Syd comes through with the double-tap, only to collapse herself from the fight. And when she wakes up...she's inexplicably in Hong Kong, with a strange scar on her stomach, oh and TWO FUCKING YEARS HAVE PASSED! Wtf! Vaughn's married? That bastard! I LOVE[ED] THIS SHOW!
LOST - Through the Looking Glass, S3
"We have to go baaaaaack!"
Whoa whoa whoa hold up, what the hell is Kate doing in Jack's flashback, I remember every single Jack episode Lost writers you're not gonna sell me on this one, there's no way they knew each other before...ohhhhh wait. OHHHHHHHH WAIT! Holy....GAME CHANGER! Really though, this is what you call historic, whether you fucked with the show or not. Not just the final minutes either, what precedes is an expert hour in action (Hurley saves the day!), adventure, and heart. R.I.P. Charlie.
Dexter - The Getaway, S4
"Born in blood."
The fucked-up-ness of that really fucked me up, know what I mean? Add in the baby, the bleak irony of the penultimate scene, the symbolism. Just, damn. Up until then a really exciting hour of television and an perfect pay-off of slowly building tension and suspense. You know you cheered when John Lithgow's car broke down and Dex appeared on the other side of the hood. Too bad it was too late. Fuck.
The O.C. - The Dearly Beloved, S2 When I think of the God awful season that followed, it's hard for me to get very nostalgic for this. But when it aired? Craziness! And aside from all the apartment smashing, "tried to rape my girlfriend" scuffling and ensuing shooting that followed, Kirsten's intervention was quite touching. Genuine tenderness and genuinely engrossing melodrama, a marriage The O.C. pulled off quite well when at peak form (ie, the first season).
Entourage - Lose Yourself, S7
You know you fucked up, right?
The Vampire Diaries - Founder's Day, S1
"Hi John. Bye John."
Tooootally was ready to call Elena a hoe after that scene with Damon on the porch. Then she walked in and chopped her father's fingers off (and thus his death-preventing magic ring; don't ask just accept) before stabbing him in the gut. Sooooo, that's not Elena. Nice to finally meet you [in the present], Katherine.
Californication - Mia Culpa, S3
I'm convinced the Moody's will NEVER make it back to New York at this point. And oh wait since when was this show serious and all like, gut-punching? It always was? Touche, show.
Curb Your Enthusiasm - The Bat Mitzvah, S6
Larry and the Blacks? Lmao! What's the show look like with Larry to play off Vivica Fox instead of Cheryl? Well truthfully they ended up not doing much with that. But I'm not mad for a few reasons: a. the whole season had already featured them playing off of each other to be honest, b. there was that hilarious "Vehicular Fellatio" episode c. I could never be mad at the season that gave us the absolutely genius Seinfeld arc. Never.
Sons of Anarchy - Na Tribloidi, S2
The year that this aired, ie last TV season, Sons was the strongest drama out. Hands down. And this tightly constructed hour was the perfect conclusion. The Sons have 99 problems and solving a few only creates more. Much, worser ones. I'm pretty sure I physically leapt out of my chair at the end. And beyond mere cliffhanger thrills, the emotionality is just so damn amazing. Jax spends the entire season at Clay's throat only to end it screaming in his arms? (Pause, stepfather-stepson shit ya know?) I'm still mad at Kurt for going the whole "dynamic character" route and robbing me of a chance to clap, scream and whistle and whatever else when they FINALLY put a whole shitload of bullets into that gang-raping, Hitler loving scumbag AJ Weston. Gemma getting the drop on the trick that got her kidnapped in the first place was sick though. Until she got like, a warrant for her arrest because of it. Jeez these guys can't catch a break.
24 - Day 5: 6:00 A.M. - 7:00 A.M.
That gotdamn boat
And the King of Not Catching a Break, Jack Bauer everyone. He more than earned a happy ending this year, and it's not like he even got one the year before, so no alternation clause. The sun was shining, the right people were in cuffs, somehow there was still a full cast even though like a hundred people died that "day" and Kim Raver as Audrey Raines was looking sexy as fuck waiting to give Jack his due reward. And then the Chinese showed up.
Supernatural - No Rest for the Wicked, S3
The whole season was built around the looming date when Dean would be sent to Hell for his season 2 deal with a devil (not to be confused with the Devil, that's s5 waters) to save Sam's life. And all season I waited for the Winchester brothers to find some cool, awesome loophole that saved his life in the 11thhour. It never came. The final images are haunting, first Sam staring in disbelief at Dean's lifeless, mangled body only to cut to Dean screaming Sam's name, his torture in Hell already having started. Chilling stuff. Would you believe the show went on to get even bleaker...and better?
Battlestar Galactica - Revelations, S4 mid-season
- "...Earth?"
-"Earth."
This shit might actually be bleaker than Supernatural. It comes to realization that every Galactica finale ended with a crazy cliffhanger, and it's a testament to the power of this one that it was no decision which to choose. Rug, pulled out.
Heroes - How to Stop an Exploding Man, S1; An Invisible Thread, S3
Oh I was frustrated. But not because the finale was oh so suspenseful and good or anything. #TheBeginnngoftheEnd. And bonus, s3 finale as well, when I realized just how much crack cocaine was being passed around the writer's room and how many fruitless hours I had wasted humoring them.
True Blood - Evil is Going On, S3
Sigh, it surrrre is. Sam's tired of being bitch-made, so now when he's angry he shoots people, even family members. Cool. Tara's tired of being put through The Worst Existence Ever so she gets a haircut, BECAUSE THAT SYMBOLIZES CHANGE, and drives off. Ok. Bill Sookie and Eric bury that evil gay vampire dude whose diabolical plot was...well I don't know, but it was bad and then Bill's revealed to be a little less than innocent in his and Sookie's romantic origins. Hmm. Jason, well Jason's whole arc hinges on a group of random dirty hillbillies I've never seen or cared about before and don't see myself caring about in the future. There's also impending evil babies, weird psychedelic witch trip outs, Hoyt's mom doing uninteresting stuff, ^^terrible levitation effects and I STILL don't know what the point of werewolves OR Sam's parents were. And so ends my involvement with this "show."
Has the Connoisseuraus steered you wrong yet? I had the privilege of viewing Happy Endings, ABC's new half hour sitcom which premieres with two episodes back-to-back tonight, a few weeks back and I've been anticipating the premiere ever since. Basic premise: six friends, two are getting married. That is until, the bride decides to leave the groom hanging at the altar. Then she returns and for their friends' sake, they agree to stay civil to each other to maintain the group. Wackiness ensues. Here are a few short reasons why you should give it a shot:
The forumla works: Networks have been looking for the new Friends ever since 2004...when Friends ended. In those seven years, there have been tons of situation comedies where the situation seems oddly familiar; six young friends, half guys half girls, maybe a couple of em like each other, all a weird, neurotic and quirky with a penchant for pop culture references. There have been a zillion already failed shows like that this TV season alone. Endings doesn't have much to show for originality...but moving past that it works. But whereas past series have just thrown six random pretty people together this cast has genuine chemistry and the jokes flow well together. And hey, political correctness, the cast includes not only a black dude [Damon Wayans, Jr.] but a gay guy as well! And surprisingly he isn't the cardboard stereotypical gay dude viewers have come to expect at this point, and actually has some of the best one-liners!
It's got potential: Even non TV geeks know at this point that the jury's out on a new show till you've seen at least the first 3 eps. It's hard to introduce new characters and new situations in one episode. What you're really judging a pilot on is potential; it may not be great but you can see it possibly leading to a perfected format. This pilot? I was entertained all the way through. And I read from other [professional] critics that got advance screeners that the pilots the weakest of the bunch. So it only gets even better!
There's not much more to say really. It's funny. If you're looking for a new sitcom, especially if all of this season's failed Friends clones left you unmoved, then check this out tonight.
If you're not a TV geek such as myself then you're probably unaware that Mad Men, AMC's critical darling about 1960s ad executives is undergoing major behind the scenes negotiations. They've already pushed the fifth season to 2012, when the show normally resumes late summer. Fail. Now, in return for the $30 million for three seasons creator Matt Weiner is asking for (You can't blame the guy for asking for a raise after his show won Best Series three years in a row.) AMC is requesting some ludicrous shit from their end too, including and most notably the axing of TWO main cast members. For a show so specific in its vision, this has many fans worried. Let's examine who the series might be able to afford to lose, paper scissors rock. Rock is an undeniable no, Paper maybe, and well, you know what that makes scissors. *Mild spoilers follow*
Don - Duh. Unless you'd prefer Henry Francis. Yea, Didn't think so.
Peggy - Not a chance. Don's our guy but while he drinks and bad-decisions himself into antihero oblivion, season 4 more than any other saw the Peg rise up as the de facto heroine of the show, smoking weed, busting balls and straight killing it in the office. Plus she's a necessary mirror for Don to look into.
Roger - You mean, the guy who routinely walks away with the line of the episode?
Joan - Nope. Just as heroine-ish as Peggy, just as boardroom-badass as Don. And way too easy on the eyes. Roger wouldn't allow it.
Betty - If you've seen season 4 you might disagree. But I think she's necessary. We can't stay in the office all episode, and not one of Betty's upstate NY C-story detours was wasted. And for the first three years, we spent so much time with Betty that we can easily say we're watching her story just as much as Peggy's. Plus, s4 seemed like just the tip (II) of a very huge and dramatically entertaining mother vs. daughter iceberg. Team Sally, in case you were wondering.
Pete - Not for my money. Necessary foil to Don, Peggy, and Roger, and just like Betty, we've spent enough time away from the office with him that we're just as invested in where he's going as the others.
Ken - On the surface, he may not appear to add much. But his early s4 absence was definitely noticeable.
Harry - On the flipside, this guy is purely atmospheric at this point. He's gotten really unlikeable, personally. Although his continued presence would be a nice nod to the whole concept of stumbling upwards in corporate America [he's head of TV, before agencies like this really had heads of TV], he's a far cry away from the guy who ran out of Don's classic slide carousel pitch...crying.
Bert Cooper - Much as I love the guy, he doesn't add much significance these days. And that's by design. They pretty much paved the way for an easy exit last year anyways.
Lane Pryce - I mean I guess. But not so fast. First, s4 highlights like "The Good News" and "Hands and Knees" made him an audience favorite. Not only that, but in-show his job as CFO is revered on an episodic basis, with Don himself remarking that no one can quite crunch the numbers like he does. Personally, I wouldn't wanna see him go.
Paul Kinsey - Still gone. And stay gone, you chump mwahahahaha.
Well thats it for the main cast. By my count, I don't see this as a very easily solved problem. There isn't much fat to cut. Who could you stand to lose?
There's a few duds in every year. Here are the few especially awful ones.
Mr. Sunshine, (ABC) - After bouncing around and appearing in some movies post Friends, Matthew Perry came to ABC with Mr. Sunshine. The show centers on Perry, Ben Donovan, who is the manager of a sports arena. The concept is interesting enough, following Ben through all the craziness involved in running this arena, but the show just never comes together smoothly, and is rarely funny. The rest of the cast, including Allison Janney, just don't seem to add anything to the show. Janney, who I normally love, is way to over the top in a way that the humor would mostly appeal to a toddler that is easily amused by loud noises and bright colors; she's simply not believable. None of the other characters are really used, instead they kind of blend in with the crowd. While the show does tend to serve up a chuckle or two an episode, the jokes mostly fall short of their mark. Hopefully they'll bring on some new writers. Mr. Sunshine is a show I DESPERATELY wanted to love, but with each ep I'm growing more and more detached. *Guest-written by Justin "JT Money" O'Reilly*
Undercovers, (NBC) - Talk about really wanting a show to work. It had all the elements in place. Spies: my favorite genre. Exec producer J.J. Abrams: one of my favorite modern-day auteurs. And the leads were BOTH black! Yay progressiveness! Slam dunk, right? Nooooooooo! This series was more lifeless than Rebecca Black. Potential sure, but there are only so many hours in the day, and I stopped devoting some to this even before it was officially cancelled. Just a big, fat dud. Good luck in the future to newbie actress Gugu Mbatha-Raw though, she's a real, ahem, talent.
No Ordinary Family, (ABC) - Yet another show that sounded great on paper. Vic Mackey back to beating up bad guys? Darla/Rita as his wife? Comedic talents Romany Malco (The 40 Yr Old Virgin) and Autumn Reeser (who provided many of the highlights of the final years of The O.C.) are their sidekicks? Sign me up! Too bad this show never had the ambitions of being the kick-ass comic-book show that I wanted it to be. It was way more interested in being 8 p.m. fare that the parents, pre-teens and the dog could all sit down to enjoy. And I could've adjusted to that...if it was good. Pardon the easy pun but I've never seen more ordinary writing. I could literally call the whole episode by the first commercial break. The kids' plotlines: even worse. Somebody fill the superhero TV Void, and soon please.
The Cape, (NBC) - I didn't even bother. Like, seriously? No. Good Riddance. What was I saying about a superhero TV void?
Body of Proof, (ABC) - Dear, networks
At this point, we have seen it all before. Doctor shows, lawyer shows, cop shows, the procedurals come and go. You know which ones stick around? The ones with great, rich, characters. We don't really care about the cases. We want fun banter or good character beats in between them. So, ABC, congrats on the success of Castle, which has all those things courtesy of the man, Nathan Fillion. Now, this new show ya got? The lead's no Rick Castle. Excruciatingly bad. "Lost my surgeon's license, wahhhh." "Put work before family, now they hate me, wahhhh." "Now I'm a morgue examiner, aaaaand I solve crimes!" Big woop. What the fuck city does this take place in? What self-respecting cops woud let the fucking morgue doctor run around solving cases for them? Do yourself a favor, my 15 or so faithful readers. Don't watch this show. No disrespect to the MILF Dana Delany.
Sincerely, Connoisseuraus
*The Connoisseuraus saw a screening of the Body of Proof pilot a few weeks ago. It premieres March 29th at 10 p.m. See for yourself if you're feeling masochistic.*
Can you think of 5 more awful seasons of television this year?
*Where's Community? Terriers? Breaking Bad? The Good Wife? Well I don't watch those shows. Yet. I'm only one man. Plus fifteen shows?! I watch more than enough.*
The Chicago Code, S1(FOX) - Warning: they share the same creator but this is not The Shield, the trailblazing, box-breaking roller-coaster of a cop show that put FX on the map. And it's not trying to be. Shot on location, the basic premise involves the Chicago PD superintendent, played by still sexy Jennifer Beals, and her top cop aiming to take down a dirty alderman (Delroy Lindo). That's the season/series long story arc anyway. In between it's normal cop show stuff - bank robberies, culture clashes, class clashes - but enriched by engaging characters far from the cardboard cutouts you're likely to find over at CBS. Not perfect but brimming with potential, and an easy candidate for best new [broadcast] series. Here's hoping it gets a chance to grow (ie, a renewal). Grade:B Standouts: Pilot, "Gillis, Chase & Babyface," "The Gold Coin Kid"
30 Rock, S5(NBC) - It doesn't live up to the hilarious insanity of the first two seasons. But it makes me laugh a whole lot more than last year's limp episodes did. Plus, the Angie reality show. Grade: B Standouts: "Live Show," "Brooklyn Without Limits," "Mrs. Donaghy"
The Walking Dead, S1 (AMC) - probably the most buzzed about premiere of the season, more viewers than AMC's ever seen sat down amidst their Halloweekend hangover to watch the debut of Frank Darabont's (The Shawshank Redemption, Green Mile) series about the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse. And they were definitely pleased, with Dead delivering a contender for a Best Pilots of All Time list. Still it was hard to digest the stilted, six-episode season that followed. While not matching ep 1's quality, the rest were definitely entertaining but the exploits of Sheriff Rick, his family and a few other Atlanta survivors felt more like one big pilot episode for the real season. Oh well. Don't stay out all night at the parade this year. New season coming on, you guessed it, Oct. 31st. Grade: B Standouts: "Days Gone By," "Guts," "Vatos"
Dexter, S5(Showtime) - It's not hard to hate on this show. It's the mind of a low-aiming CBS procedural trapped in a thought-provoking cable drama's body. Afraid of change, even though this season started with a big one. The supporting cast still sucks. But anytime Dexter or season guest-star Julia Stiles were on screen it was undeniably engaging. The conservativeness of the finale may have been infuriating, but the body of this year had every element that makes this show [occasionally] great. Dark humor: the gay guy escapes out of Dexter's van...while still wrapped in plastic *DEAD*. Nail-biting action: the hotel chase. Genuine heart: see any scene with Dexter and his step-kids. And yet I can't really point out any story advancements or risks this season actually took. As long as it's churning out episodes chock full of those elements it's content. It was still better than season 3 though. And I'll still be there for season 6. Grade: B+ Standouts: "My Bad," "Everything is Illumenated," "Take It!"
Chuck, S4(NBC) - Some shows get better with age. Others fall in a rut. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with each breath this constantly 'on-the-bubble' show gets. But the misses come as often as the hits this season. Toeing the line between spy drama/and goofy comedy is tough, and some of this season has been a bit too goofy. Still it's hard to be mad when a banger like Yvonne Strahovski is the main female lead (no one can pull of funny and badass like her), and once-James Bond Timothy Dalton is killing as a hilariously unhinged arch-villain. The stunt-casting doesn't stop there, everyone from Eric Roberts to the Old Spice guy shows up. When this show's on it's on though, marrying broad humor, great action, and drama into a neat little package. They still have time to close the season out strong. Grade: B Standouts: "Chuck vs. the Aisle of Terror," "Chuck vs. the First Fight," "Chuck vs. Phase Three," "Chuck vs. the Push Mix"
Californication, S4(Showtime) - Unlike the other Showtime show that made this list, this one doesn't have an identity crisis. It's fully aware of the wool it's pulling over your eyes. See, it seems like a comedy, with a lot of funny sex, crazy situations, and unbelievably bad women. But you can't watch this season and not be aware that amid all the hilarity and sex it's actually a really dark, bleak family drama. Actually that was made painfully aware in the season 3 finale, a series best, which propelled us into the story for this season, centered around Hank's trial. I've been hard on this series for being too over-the-top at times and failing to come close to it's near pristine debut season. But they may have done it with this one. It's an astonishing feat to go through a season and laugh your ass off ("Monkey Business") and then just feel really depressed, and very worried ("The Last Supper"). That damn Karen (and now, Becca) still piss me off though. Grade: B+ Standouts: "Monkey Business," "Lights. Camera. Asshole.," "The Trial," "The Last Supper"
Supernatural, S6(The CW) - Most shows never get to realize their full dream before they get cancelled. So imagine the Supernatural team's amazement when they wrapped their entire series arc last year in terrific fashion, and The CW bosses came calling with new checks and contracts in hand? What's left for the Winchester brothers to fight? How do you top Lucifer? Well now they get to play around. What if Sam returns from hell, but without his soul? Well then he's a hilariously, sometimes scary, amoral douche bag (Jared Padalecki, enjoying not being the boring brother for once). What if the brothers start battling classic monsters instead of just demons? It's been an odd, clearly different season but it still has all the brotherly drama, crazy-gory-scary action, and bleakly dark, well supernatural, stuff. And we're getting to see cool plots they never could've sqeeuzed in before, like an episode from fellow hunter Bobby's POV or the recent new classic where the brothers get transported to a world where...they're on the set of their own show. It's as self-deprecatingly hilarious as it sounds. Grade: B+ Standouts: "Weekend at Bobby's," "Clap Your Hands If You Believe," "Caged Heat," "The French Mistake"
The Vampire Diaries, S2(The CW) - Hold off on the angry mob and pitchforks. Twilight for TV this is not. Is the title ass? The promos gay cheesy? Male lead rocking too much hair gel? Yes, yes, and definitely. But if you sit down for an episode you'll see that no other show is fucking with this one when it comes to momentum. Not feeling a particular arc or character? No worries, the plot moves quicker than 24. No sparkling here either, throats, hearts, they all get ripped out when shit pops off. Thewomenarebad. Baaaaaad. And Boone (remember him?) from Lost suprisingly owns every scene he's in with the perfect amount of ham, to the point of commanding $40k an episode. Fuck a True Blood. The heir apparent to the late great Buffy is here. Lacking in intelligence, probably, but making up for it with pure fun and suspense. Grade A- Standouts: "Kill or be Killed," "Masquerade," "The Descent," "The House Guest"
Fringe, S3(FOX) - It only took Fringe 1 and 3/4 of a season to live up to the mantle of being a J.J. Abrams Show. To make up for that, once it finally kicked in high gear it skipped good and went straight to great. After a strong s2 finish, season 3 opens as the series' most confident ever. Tired of vampires, werewolves, and/or aliens? Meet this decade's X-Files with a dash of Twilight Zone. Settle in for an epic saga of alternate universes and the heroes caught in the middle of it. When we open, our heroine FBI agent Olivia has been kidnapped by "the other side," where everybody has a double and the world is wacky. (J.F.K. lived? Twin Towers stood?) Meanwhile, her double masquerades as the real Olivia on our Earth, a literal double agent. And the narrative conceit? One episode takes place here, and the next on "Earth-2." Do I even have to say more? This is low-key one of the coolest series on TV. Maybe that's why it just pulled off a hail mary renewal. Grade: A- Standouts: "Oliva," "The Plateau," "Entrada," "Immortality," "6B."
Modern Family, S2(ABC) - The best new show of last year continues it's hilarity streak, despite not quite matching the consistent highs of season 1 Critics have complained about the drop-off, but at this point the show's earned my loyalty; I'm content even if it's only mildly funny. The cast is still in top form, but extra MILF Julie Bowen doesn't get as much cred for killing it as the straight woman as she should. Grade: B+ Standouts: "Halloween," "Chirp," "Manny Get Your Gun," "Slow Down Your Neighbors"
Justified, S2 (FX) - Possibly the best dialog to be found anywhere on television this season. The basic premise could make things sooooo procedural -US Marshall with an itchy trigger-finger moves back home to lay down the law- but even in episodes that don't feature an arc this show is a cut above all the other badge shows on the tube. It's hard to decide who deserves an Emmy more: Tim Olyphant as the lead, slick-talking and swagger personified Marshall Raylan Givens, or Walton Goggins as his equally sly childhood friend who may or may not be fated for arch-villainy. Grade: B+ (Season still continuing) Standouts: [so far] "The I of the Storm," "Cottonmouth," "The Blaze of Glory," "Save My Love"
Sons of Anarchy, S3(FX) - How do you top what critics and fans alike hail as a near perfect season of TV? The writers of this bikers-meets-Hamlet epic family drama sure gave themselves room to with that finale, which I won't spoil here. The end result is quite far from a step down. But it's not a knockout either. Way too many new characters. Creator Kurt Sutter's persistent no exposition policy leaves even the most faithful viewer like myself a little disoriented from time to time. Definitely a plot hole or seven to make the story go where it needed to, narratively and physically (Ireland!). Still a damn thrilling ride though, and a very satisfying arc. Katey Sagal continues to steal the show as the badass matriarch of the fam (Threatening a baby at gunpoint...a little silly but still hardcore.) And by season's end the Hamlet overtones kick into gleeful overdrive. It looks like Kurt is going to get to paint his 7-season masterpiece (the show's a ratings powerhouse), and this was a necessary part of the journey. Can't wait for season four. Grade: A- Standouts: "SO," "Turning and Turning," "Widening Gyre," "Bainne," "June Wedding," "NS"
Boardwalk Empire, S1(HBO) - my vote for best new series. It's everything you wanted it to be when you saw the promos. No character is wasted. Bullets fly over illegal alcohol. In between it all Steve Buscemi and Michael Pitt deliver tour de force performances. The Sopranos may be over, but all its writers are still running TV. See #1. Grade: A Standouts: "Boardwalk Empire," "Family Limitation," "Home," pretty much every ep from there
Mad Men, S4(AMC) - Sheeeesh. Who's fucking with this show? I'm still amazed at how entertaining a show about ad executives, and moody rich suits with identity crises is. This is hands down the show's finest season, from start to finish. Abandon all assumptions and guesses. The finale's a jaw dropper. The journey there, just as awe-inspiring. There's nobody on TV right now more interesting - or cooler - than Don Draper. Grade: A+ Standout:Every episode
Disagree with a grade or placement? Are you loving any of these 15 like I am? Mad Jersey Shore didn't make the cut?
Holy Jacob!: Did I mention the hatch shit?!?! "I was wrong" is now an infamous series quote. Plus, one of the final shots was our three main heroes getting bags over their heads and kidnapped. Also the first appearance of the four toed statue that would drive fans crazy for another three years.
